Promises and Polygamy

Marriage here is, in a lot of cases, like marriage used to be a couple hundred years ago in Europe and America - practically a business transaction. So polygamy doesn't shock me - you aren't going to generally be jealous of other wives because in a lot of cases you don't love your husband anyway. But my neighbor and I were talking the other day and what she told me really got to me.

Her name is Marley, I've written about her before, and she and 2 other wives live together in a compound across the street from my house. Their husband lives in Conakry, where it is certain he has girlfriends. Marley was really upset the other day because he had asked his other wife, Adama (who neither Marley nor I like, she's super annoying), to come to Conakry and stay with him. I could tell Marley's feelings were hurt, I know she hasn't seen him since at least November. Then she told me that when they married he promised that she would be his only wife. And, as I've heard many times in Guinea, once she was nice and settled and her body had given way to gravity and childbearing he took another one. There's no such thing as alimony here, divorce is definitely more shameful for a woman than a man, and Marley has little education and no real way of supporting herself or her kids without her husband's money(and his family members abroad who send cash). So she's stuck all alone with these wives and her husband isn't even around!

A more promising case is that of someone Cam and I know in Boke, she has a good job and is a really smart woman. When her husband announced his intention to take another wife (after promising her that he wouldn't before she agreed to marry him), she left him and divorced him. She's fortunate because she has an education and an income, so she had the option to leave.

Anyway, polygamy in theory is fine with me, I guess, but I don't like liars. And that's just what some of these men are. It's hard to blame them completely, though, because the societal pressure for rich men to keep taking wives is strong. I just don't know. People here seem to think that Camilo and I are funny when we walk around town - my Censeur commented that I don't walk behind Cam. I'm not sure if that makes me want to laugh or cry...it does make me grateful that Cam has so many strong women in his life, particularly his mother, so I don't freak him out too much with all my feminist opinions.

I think that education and development work hand in hand. With education and job opportunities women have choices and with choices they can do what they want to create the best possible lives for themselves and their children. So I'm just going to keep plugging along here in Guinea, hoping that through my teaching and even just my presence in town I can help keep the wheels of development turning.

One of the most common reasons given when a guy tells me he wants me to find him a white wife and I ask why is that "black women aren't faithful." Clearly they mean African women, but the thing is that very few people are faithful here - they just don't see the value in it because many relationships are pretty superficial. I told my students the other day at my review session that they needed to treat their girlfriends well and be faithful to them; otherwise they couldn't possibly expect them to be loyal and faithful. That's just stupid. I'm not sure if my point got across, but at least I tried. I also tried to teach them about global warming using an article for Time for Kids. I think that lesson made more of an impact than my "If you hit, cheat on or disrespect your girlfriend she will not be loyal to you."